In your arms as the dawn is breaking,

But, there's a voice inside my head saying "you'll never reach it".
every step i'm taking, every move i make, feels lost with no direction, my faith is shaking...

it was like many things there that i havent done! i couldn't find out but i was awakened by feeling of fear. couldn't sleep well all the time even if im crawling into bed when sleepy... recalling of what have i done in this holiday, okay i know holiday has called my idleness out, nooo :(

but holiday has come to the end at a glance, OHMYGOSH there are just 3 days lefttttt :(

sometimes we asked people for telling us true but in fact. we get hurted most of the time...don't we? but those hurted-words might also made us a change? hrmm. sometimes, flying by the seat of our pants doesn't work.. :( because they tell you to be yourself, then they judge you, grrr.

somehow, i get downcast rashly...thinking of everything that i have been through. those what had left, i couldn't take back, it's not mine anymore... HELLYEAIKNOW, but i just ;/ too selfish yea? we should never look back, just go on, the journey. reminding myself not to regret for those leave things no matter memories or people. perhaps we have to learn to give up something, if we want anything (:

when can I plod in the shopping mall and relaxing?

when can I rapt for reading without any interference?

when can I?

when can I ride the crest of a wave...

I have a wish.

You've got to win in your mind before you win in your life.

Event: 2011 Sentul区田径学联赛.
Date: 7 March 2011.
Target: Gold medal.
Mood: Excited, Nervous.

6.15a.m 到学校, 很high.
因为我一直坚信着只要很high, 比赛就会很firm.
豪杰一来, 第一句话:''姿莹, 第一面金.''
握过手后, 我开始沉默, 我开始失去信心..
''我, 真的能吗?'' 这个问题, 我问了自己很多次.
第一次, 状态那么不好, 拿不到的啦.
第二次, 还是很怕, 很沉重的压力.
第三次第四次第五次...
最后一次, 至少大家对我有期望, 这份压力会是我拿金的动力.

是的, 我回到了熟悉的跑道, 这里将会是我表演的舞台.
穿上track suits, 准备warm up, 使尽全力让自己镇定下来.
warm up的第一圈, 全身没力, 前天晚上不敢吃药怕没力, 没有吃药也是一样 @@
去报到, gg 看到jinjang的 TT 很怕她, 去年高中组的No.2 TT

走上跑道等待比赛开始, 依然很怕, 也已经开始发冷.
起点的对面我听到大家的声音, 很大很大声, 那一刻很warm很warm.
''有那么多人在支持着你, 为你打气, 还怕什么?'' 我对自己说.
然后重新high起来, 枪声很弱== 但我很high xD

前200米的冲刺, 在直道割了去年赢我的印度人 xD
前两圈jinjang的跟得好紧 == 很怕很辛苦也很冷.
如果是去年的我, ''干你的, 要你就割我, 不要跟我!''
我会选择慢下, 被割, 放弃. 原因: 太累了.
可是这次我却没有, 因为我今天, 是为了金牌而来.
终于在第7圈拉开一段距离, 很累也要撑完12圈半!
比赛前告诉zhengying : ''每一圈都要提醒我慢了.''
谢谢钲荥, 谢谢安肯的喊破喉咙, 谢谢豪杰跑下来跟我讲很多东西, 谢谢大家的加油打气 :)
还有最重要的, 谢谢燕琳帮我cover, 很好的partner (:

最后2圈的speed, 当时我很怕, jinjang那个只欠50米就追上来了.
我第一次在最后第2圈就开始冲了 == 通常是最后100米 xD
冲过终点线, 稳稳地将金牌握在手上, 第一面金牌, 但绝对不会是最后一面.

很开心, 真的很开心.
一切都值得了 (: